I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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