I got chris browned last night
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
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it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
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I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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