Four minutes until I can fart!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
