The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
