When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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