I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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