Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I am one with the molecules
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
