can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
