Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
