sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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