i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
