Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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