Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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