yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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