dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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