I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
