Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
