i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize