she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
