i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
