I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
50% drunk capacity currently
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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