You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
