She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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