Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
