apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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