She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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