Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
