in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
