Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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