but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
