I think my vagina is haunted
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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