I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
