who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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