how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My underwear smells like fireworks.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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