Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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