I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
