I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
