OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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