Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
i out mim tonsoeep
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
