so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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