I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
