I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
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I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
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I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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