i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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