We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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