his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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