after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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