No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
