shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize