I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
