i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Randomize
