Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
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Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
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And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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