Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
