respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
