My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize