i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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