I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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