my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
