u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
