i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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