I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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