Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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