Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
