weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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