he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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